I Don't Want to Be Loved

Igor took out the dagger from her stomach. Blood poured everywhere, staining the floor. The Queen Mother let out a pained gasp and collapsed.

Looking at her lying on the floor, impotent, Igor simply stared at her with no emotion on his face. He whispered “you and I are the same type of person, mother. We can’t forgive anyone who dares take what we desperately want. You wanted the right to the throne and I wanted her. I wanted Rihannan, and you took her from me.”

The Queen Mother had not always been blinded by power. On her days as princess, she was brilliant and smart. However, to keep the peace in Arundell, she surrendered her crown to Igor. The fact that she could never yield power on her own right ate her from within her mind until she finally went mad.

Igor knew that he carried the same madness in him. Once Rihannan died, it all lost meaning. Even when he stared at his hand drenched in his mother’s blood, he didn’t feel any emotion in particular. It was as though he’d turned into a completely different person overnight.

He know understood. He could understand the Queen Mother’s mind, which allowed her to kill off many Chrichton Royal Family members, as well as Rihannan.

They had the same mind. People didn’t seem like people anymore. If he needed them, he would not kill them. And if he didn’t… did it matter? He could kill off as many people as he liked. They’d all die easily so, what would be the problem?

He should have used this method before.

“Your Majesty…”

Basil called out for him before entering the room. When he saw the Queen Mother’s bloodied corpse, he fell on his knees. However, he quickly came back to his senses and hurriedly closed the door so nobody could see the corpse. This amused Igor.

Seeing Igor laughing, Basil felt even more scared.

“Your Majesty, why…”

“Clean it up.” Igor looked at his mother’s corpse with a chilled expression. “The Queen Mother killed off many members of Chrichton’s Royal Family and tried to hide it as a contagious disease. She then framed the Queen of secretly selling secrets to Chrichton. I took the decision of executing her for her crimes.”

Basil was shaking with fear at this point. There was no way he could remain calm seeing the bloodied corpse of the Queen Mother and the King who’d just gone mad.

“I’ll let everyone know the truth.”

Basil finally came back to his senses.

“…everyone? Who’s everyone?”

“Every person on earth. I’ll tell them the exact reason why the Queen and Queen Mother died.”

Basil was astonished. “If you do that, there will be war!”

Even though Arundell and Chrichton shared close diplomatic ties, there was no way they’d remain calm once the news of the Queen Mother poisoning their royalty came to light. What’s more, the Queen’s cousin had recently been named Crown Prince. There was no way Dimitri would remain still upon hearing the truth behind Rihannan’s death.

“We’ve worked so hard till now to make sure the Queen Mother’s actions remain hidden… you can’t. If you do that, Arundell will fall.”

Basil knelt on the ground and pleaded with tears in his eyes. Basil had always been by Igor’s side, so he knew how much pain he’d endured up to now. The pain inflicted by both the Queen Mother and the other nobles. Now that he could really behave properly as King, he wanted to let it all burn to the ground.

“Then, let it fall.” Igor stepped over the blood puddle on the floor while speaking. “I don’t care.”

**

After that fateful day, a bloodshed swept through Arundell. Igor first incarcerated all the people involved in Rihannan’s death. He executed Count Clovis, who had a right to succession, and hung his out outside the castle walls. He ordered Count Alessin and Leticia to be cut to pieces, and their remains thrown to hungry beasts.

Since the King had gone mad, even killing his own mother without a proper trial, the nobles quickly rebelled against him. However, this rebellion was short lived.

Chrichton’s fury soon reached Arundell once the news of the Queen Mother’s deeds spilled all over the continent. Besides, Dimitri demanded blood for the way Rihannan had died.

One day, in the middle of all this chaos, Arundel’s misty shores saw Chrichton’s warships approaching. War broke out.

For a long time, Arundel became a Battlezone were people killed each other nonstop. Murder fed vengeance, which would in turn keep igniting more murder, and so on, endlessly.

The reason why war stopped after almost a year was because the Empire of Toulouse suddenly showed interest in the weakened Chrichton and Arundel. Both sides realized the danger of being simultaneously conquered by Toulouse, so war came to an armistice.

Chrichton would have been able to save its dignity had it gained something from Arundel. However, they did not, as they had to stop war and go back to their homeland with empty hands.

After the war, people hailed Igor as the King who protected Arundel against the invasion attempt from Chrichton. The people would celebrate him while he stood there atop a hill of corpses and blood.

Ironically, Igor managed to learn all of Chrichton’s weaknesses thanks to this war. Therefore, when he declared war upon Chrichton six years later, he managed to subjugate the nation without much blood spill.

***

“So… it was the Queen Mother…”

Rihannan sobbed. Igor looked at her silently while thinking… she wasn’t lying dead on the floor. She was alive, crying in front of him.

In this new life, when Rihannan went back in time she did not do anything against the people who led her to her death. She simply left quietly.

That’s why Igor was worried. Rihannan did not take any vengeance against anybody. How would she react if she knew he killed numerous people without remorse, like a psychopath?

She’d definitely fear him or hate him. He was no different from his mother.

Therefore, even though Igor told her everything that happened in their past lives, he could not bring himself to confess to her that he brutally killed his mother, Count Clovis and her family. She was too overwhelmed as she was, so there was no need for her to hear anymore.

“And she… put me… in pri…”

Rihannan kept sobbing and crying. Igor reached out a hand slowly. Just when he was about to dry one of Rihannan’s tears as she couldn’t use her own bandaged hands, the doors suddenly burst open. It was the Queen Mother.

“Rihannan!”

Igor was taken aback at her sudden appearance and tried to hurriedly get her out of the room. He saw that Mrs. Cessly was standing right behind her, looking ashamed. Mrs. Cessly shook her head.

“I tried stopping her but she is too stubborn…”

The Queen Mother headed towards Rihannan, who was sitting on the couch. Rihannan’s face turned pale when she saw her. The Queen Mother, who had no idea of the burning fury within Rihannan, reached out her hand to her.

“I heard the news that you were kidnapped on your way to the Villa. Oh, god, your face… are you alright, my daughter?”

Before she could touch her, Igor quickly stood in between and blocked her out of Rihannan’s sight.

“We’ll speak later. Leave now, please.”

“Stand aside, Igor. I need to personally verify that both Rihannan and the child are safe.”

“Mother!” Igor roared.

“Why did you do it?”

A small voice came from behind Igor. Rihannan slowly rose from her seat, her teary eyes burning with blue flames. She yelled “Why did you do that to me? What have I ever done to you?!”

Igor held Rihannan as she approached the Queen Mother. She tried shaking him off with all her strength but couldn’t. He was holding on to her tightly.

The Queen Mother was astounded at Rihannan’s expression. She couldn’t grasp the situation.

“Rihannan, what are you talking about? What have I…”

“When I lost my own mother, you said you’d be a mother to me from now on. I believed those words. I never doubted you, not even for a second! But you! You crushed me under your feet! Do you feel any remorse of guilt of what you’ve done? What did I mean to you?”

Igor turned Rihannan’s head and buried her face on his chest. He then looked at his mother and pleaded “Please, leave the room, now! Mother, please!”

The Queen Dowager kept her lips sealed tightly. Seeing Rihannan in a deep state of panic, she realized that there was nothing she could do by stubbornly staying there.

Once the Queen Mother left the room, Rihannan felt her strength leaving her body. She sobbed on Igor’s chest.

“Did my past life have any meaning?”

Those words were like a stake to Igor’s heart.

Igor wanted to tell her that she was the most important thing in his life above anything else in the world. But that wasn’t something that a man who’d previously ignored her to the point of causing her death could say to her. What’s more, it wouldn’t be of any help at the moment.

“So now I can confirm once more that my life has no meaning.”

Rihannan’s voice faded slowly. She closed her eyes and collapse on Igor’s arms.

“Rihannan?”

Her forehead was covered in cold sweat. Her face was pale, as though there was no blood flowing in her veins. She looked as though she’d die at any moment.

Igor screamed while hugging her body.

“A doctor, call a doctor! Now!”